No problem fasting, really, because I didn’t have to leave the house. Apart from getting more water (which I procrastinated on for almost a day). It makes me feel even more determined fasting while I have a full fridge of stuff I love, as well as a cake and chocolate. Not interested, really. Haven’t yet lost anything, but I am sure that I will, once I get back to running around through-out the week. I feel good. I am experiencing mild headache once in a while, but I don’t mind.
As of determination, I feel like I can do it. Especially when I see the weight starting to drop, because I could reach my goal weight by the start of January and then see whether to lower it a little more or just maintain and tone.
This is a slippery slope though, because if I fail - I am setting myself up for a deep mental breakdown, because the only person standing in my way would be… me.
What keeps me motivated is all the changes I can make in my life, once I don’t have to worry about looking fat in pictures, life. I will be a different person. At least, I hope so.
December Challenge : Fast for 18 days, eat on Christmas (800kcal max), fast for 7 more days. + do hula-hoop for 20 minutes every day!
Ending date: January 2, 2014
Weight loss goal: 33lbs (15kg)
On the 18th starts the school break and when I go back in January, people will whisper behind my back about how skinny I’ve gotten, they will be scared I’ve gotten too fragile. I will reach my goal and then I will tone up and have a perfect body. I will do it and food is not going to fuck it up.
So, there is this guy. We used to be best friends when we were about 12. We did everything together, but I also knew he had a huge crush on me, later I fucked it all up real bad and it took him 4 years to forgive me. You’d think I would be over that by then, but I felt this pain in my chest every day until he finally forgave me. When we started talking again, he was the same amazing, nice guy, but I was in a dark place and was very unsociable. After that he started dating a girl I never really liked, I believe they were together for a year or so. By then I already knew that Iain was never my first love, but he was. My soulmate. The reason I am writing this today is - I’m meeting up with him tomorrow and I am terrified. I know now that I’ve been in love with him for 10 years and I also have confidence whatsoever. Why would he like me? I’m ugly, fat and fucked up. I just wish I could be good enough. Just for him. I want to tell him all that I’ve been wanting to tell him these past years. I want to hug him and tell him everything again, but most of all fall asleep in his arms. And realization that it will never happen hurts so much. I just wish I could change my looks. :/
I’m sitting here fan-girling about perfect bodies and dreaming of having one myself one day.
On a randomer note- I can’t wait to move to Spain, so I can live off strawberries and watermelon. I hate the short season here. :(
I have tried. Endlessly. I almost recover and eat healthily, following every nutrient I have planned, every calorie, I work out. I gain weight. It doesn’t make sense, I know. But I have a messed up hormone system from steroid treatment few years back, so my body gains on around 1000kcal. It’s not fair, but I can’t stay fat until doctors finally fix me. I can’t wait for the day, I can eat right and exercise. It’s not a matter of not wanting or being too lazy, just not wanting to look like the fat chick who eats everything, when all I ever did was eat healthy,